Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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