last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
