oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize