I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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