Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
