You made me cry and you don't even care
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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