Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
