awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
