We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
