I can text with my tongue
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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