I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize