I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
