also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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