i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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