Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
