chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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