You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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