Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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