I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
