My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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