no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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