I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize