when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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