She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
