I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
