I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
