my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
