I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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