Buhtt sex?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She told me I should be a condom model.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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