I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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