You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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