Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
