if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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