yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
