Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
