I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it because I queefed?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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