I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
God I need to hump something, right now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
