I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
