i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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