so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
