We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
