My room smells like vodka and shame
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
