I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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