Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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