YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
