I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
