i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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