I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
