Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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