there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
