Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
