No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
