It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
