I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
