so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
