the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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