youre lurking in front of me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
