Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Congratulations! We have a period
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
