Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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