We need to rekindle our bromance
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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