We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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