White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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