fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
