Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
