I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
