so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
