FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
