My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
