Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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