So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
