it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
